Oh me of Little Faith

Unfollow Fear

Oh me of Little Faith

As a practicing Christian, I know that people would say I am a person of faith.  But I feel like I have only scratched the surface of what that really means.

More religious, less faith?

Over the last decade or so, my understanding of faith has shifted.  When you spend many years in church, something dangerous can happen, and it happened to me.  Over time, without realizing it, I began to substitute knowledge for faith.  Learning more about God through studying the Bible is something I love to do, and I consider that knowledge a wonderful gift.  But at some point, I began to believe that faith was about answers…and that never ends well!  Pride crept into my heart without my awareness.  Somehow I got the message that being a Christian meant I had the answers – and that other people didn’t. But life has a way of showing us that our answers are inadequate.

Bored with Religion

The longer I was in church, the more teaching I heard, and  the more I thought I knew.  But knowledge doesn’t bring life.  I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point I got bored. I lost the wonder of who God is and I no longer felt any awe.  A quiet desperation began to build up inside of me.  “Is this all there is?”  I had experienced God in my past, encountering the Spirit in tangible ways that made me come alive…how could I settle for empty knowledge after that?

Faith is not about Answers

I went through a ‘dark night of the soul’ many years ago.  A season of difficult circumstances shook me out of my comfort zone and suddenly my answers couldn’t help me.  I began to question everything I believed. I thought I was losing my faith, but I was actually finding it.  I was only losing my answers.

Embracing Uncertainty

Having come through those years of darkness and questions, I know less but I believe more.  I hold my ‘answers’ loosely.  God is no longer contained in my box.  I am much more comfortable with uncertainty, and my awe and wonder at the mystery of God is greater than ever.  When it comes down to it, I’ve learned that faith is about trust.  Trust in an actual Being, not trust in answers.  It’s about moving forward into mystery and embracing uncertainty.

Living by Faith

I spent 2020 learning to walk by faith again, and it was far from boring! I thought God was calling me to share a song publicly,(https://christinepaddock.com/tour/ ) but I wasn’t sure. It felt crazy at the time. I had a choice: do I act on this feeling, or do I stay in my comfort zone? That’s when I realized – this is what it feels like to  walk by faith! Without risk, I am not living by faith. Stepping out in faith required me to face my fears, and they were bigger than I had imagined! That experience made me realize how much I trust in my routine and everything familiar.  But what a year!  Looking back, I know that God was leading me in every detail.

The Adventure of Faith

After a year of adventure, the challenge for me now to is to keep going!  I can feel the pull of fear that wants me to sink back into the safety of what’s familiar. I want to continue living by faith, but it will mean facing more fears, and moving further into uncertainty.  Faith is not about a list of intellectual beliefs. It’s is about partnering with God to do what I know I can’t do on my own. It’s an adventure full of danger and discovery, wonder and mystery.  That’s how I want to live. What about you?

 

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